Does This Blog Make my Bum Look Big?
The last two weekends I have participated in ‘blog hops’ to connect with other bloggers and hopefully get my blog ‘out there’. And both times I have come away feeling a little smaller than before.
The process is a lot like speed dating; you link up from a particular blog, spend some time looking at each blog, then you move on to the next one. You might leave a comment, maybe even subscribe if you really like what you see. Some readers are generous with comments (those are good); some, you only know about through the site’s statistics. Did they even read my posts, or did they just screw up their nose and move on?
Each time I have come away with some nice comments, but ultimately I feel like the ugly girl who no one wants to sit next to. This feeling is a familiar one; much like being a teen. “Oh Karen, I thought we had resolved this; you are not ugly, you are not fat, you are not dumb. Just get on with it!!”
I remind myself, I am putting myself into this situation. I don’t have to blog. I chose to do this. I don’t know why I thought that my life on the internet would somehow be shinier and more ideal than real-life: that my blog would somehow escape my laser like self-criticism. Who knew writing about your personal life on the world wide web was going to test the limits of my self-confidence? (Duh … ) And who knew at age 30 I would still be wrestling with the Bitchy-little-voice-inside-my-head?
I wish I could see into the faces, hearts and minds of the 1300 viewers that have traipsed into my virtual home. Did they wipe their feet? Did they enjoy their tea? Perhaps I should have catered for vegetarians?
But what would be the point? To sit alongside the Bitch-inside-my-head and whisper soothing ‘I hear you‘s into her ear while brushing her hair? Or to slam the door on her, and walk out into the fresh air?
I think the best thing I can do is write like no one is watching.
“Writers are not just people who sit down and write. They hazard themselves. Every time you compose a book your composition of yourself is at stake.” E.L. Doctorow.
26 Responses to “Does This Blog Make my Bum Look Big?”
I wrestle with blog hops too. I only participate in a couple. But I would say this to you. DON’T look at the stats. I stopped two years ago. It doesn’t do anything I don’t think. Like you said, blog for you. Be aware you have a reader but this is your space, your story to tell. You own it. Not them.
Sorry.
Steps off soapbox.
Thank you!! Sage advice. Its been doing my head in, and my best friend’s too as I have been ruminating about this.
That sounds good to me–I hit *refresh* on my stats page like a maniac, and it doesn’t make the hits come in any faster.
What’s a blog hop? I feel all ignorant and stuff.
Don’t ask. Its tedious and painful. You don’t need that in your magnificent minimalist life. Love your blog.
Have you got Google Analytics? You probably shouldn’t get it! I’ve been obsessing over my statistics, reading how in France, people spend an average of 10 minutes on my site (10 who minutes!!) and how, in the US, I get 3 minutes on average to impress. Japan lingers, while Argentineans take off before the first second has ticked over. Australians are the most loyal with 13 mins on average, while my one single Irish click (I wonder who that could be?) gave me 55 seconds! ha. She has come back, though, and spent more time.
It’s funny how much you can spy on your clickers. I find it so very odd how many people pass through my ‘home’ without a comment, a facebook *like* or a subscribe. People come and spend 20 minutes reading my stories (and surely spending 20 minutes on a site means they’re having a good time with me) but then they take off like a one-night stand after they’ve received their fix.
Sheesh, my stats are prehistoric compared to yours. I would probably stick my head in the oven with those stats!! Love your Irish visitor, she always had a short attention span. x
The stats are truly awesome. I can see where I’m being referred from (19 visits from another blog, I left a comment on 1 article). Twitter pulls the most, Facebook comes in second, lots from Linkedin too. You can see which operating systems people are visiting from and even which regions (I get the most clicks from Santa Monica, followed by Beverly Hills). So sophisticated, but like I said: probably bad for you if you’re already obsessing. I just find it so interesting.
I see your point, but it would completely do my head in. Its pointless. AND I have 3 little men to look after. The toast does not make itself.
*10 WHOLE visits, I meant to say
What the feck? I mean: 10 whole minutes. Shiz, it’s not even important. It’s late and I’ve been on the computer ALL DAY. Sorry for comment bombing you. I’m going to bed now.
*laugh* We’ve all had days like that.
I have discovered after embarking on a career that could be likened to ‘getting your clothes off in front of God and everybody’ on the ‘autumn side of life’ that it is unproductive to compare oneself to others EXCEPT for the purpose of self improvement. Reason; there will always be those who are better and those who are worse at what you do. Comparison need only be a tool for 1. self improvement and 2. for wishing another their own self improvement. Remembering thought is energy, practice positive thinking and positive things come to you.
I read all your blogs and enjoy each one for what it is. Some I relate to, some not so much – each person’s life has it’s own form, creating what one relates to and another does not. This is true of ALL forms of creative arts; books, films, music, fine art, etc AND blogs. You’ve got more courage than say 99.99999999% of the population simply because you have a blog and that in itself makes you a special person – if we’re using a comparative process. From my subjective point of view your writings are funny and clever and I’ll be returning to read every page you write. (I’ve only just discovered how to leave a comment – damn those autumn years)
Autumn is my favourite season.
And thank you.
I didn’t realise how paranoia-inducing it would be and I’ve only just begun! Most awkward is that my closest friends haven’t said a thing … are they just thinking how big my bum looks?
Your bum looks great, Bree. x
I’d be the crazy Belgian statistic that visits all the time
I haven’t dared look at my own stats so closely… eeeek! My butt is huge!!!! But I think some people (ie me!!) read a post, love it, and not really know what exactly to write as a comment. Sometimes if a post is so good, and so funny, it’s even a bit intimidating to leave a comment if you aren’t feeling witty or clever enough right then and there, know what I mean? Or you read it, think about it, and by the time you go back, there are 20 other new posts that distract you again! Either that, or my kids are strangling each other and I have to rush off. xxx
Crazy Belgians welcome!! I do appreciate your company in this weird and a little bit wonderful place that is the internet. x
Focus on the good comments and feedback!! I read every blog of yours and my other close friends but this is the first time I have left a comment for either. I am reluctant to leave comments as often I just don’t know what to say other than something not particulary literary or reflective other than “Wow that’s really good!” and because the writing is so good, I don’t want to turn the blog comments into a facebook -type apprecitaion of a status update.
Thanks for the comments. There are no hard and fast rules here. I love comments. Otherwise I just feel like I am talking to myself. But don’t feel obligated. I just had to vent. All is well now in little Karen land. The bunnies have returned to munch upon the clover, and the birds are chirping.
I check out the stats once in a while cos it’s kind of interesting how people find me! It’s always the same old posts I wrote ages ago that pop up in google searches. It can get kind of obsessive but in the end my blog is kind of niche, not everyone gets excited by a beautiful store design for a pharmacy (who knew!) I guess I’m not writing about my personal life so it’s totally different. My blog is just a record of cool design I come across that I can access everywhere. Of course it is really exciting when I get heaps of hits from across the world!
Your blog is very readable and approachable.
I’ve subscribed anyway!
Sorry about that: I was thinking I would probably lose you on that one. If my blog is not for you I will look the other way while you slip out the backdoor. I don’t always write about this stuff, but its kinda hard to avoid. Love your tag-line by the way.
I like to write like no one is reading (but then I’m also be careful what I say just in case someone related to me *is* reading!!). But I have an agenda too. I had a plan for my blog – it’s not just conversational. It’s about my goal to make my life what I want it to be, so I don’t really worry about what others think. If they like my goal and want to share their similar experiences – then I *love* having them over to visit. But otherwise, as long as I stick to my goal, I’m a happy camper
But I really like your blog – which I did find through a blog hop (rewind) – so there are people out there who like what you are saying
xxxCate
The blog hop does serve an important function, but with it doesn’t lend well to my personality so I shall probably just steer clear in future. I guess I worry too much what other people think; as much as I’d like to say I didn’t, I do. I need to work on it.
Thanks for your comments Cate. x
I always remind myself that I am not writing my blog for stats. I mean sure there is some part of the overall goal is to have readers and make connections and have comments and discussions, but I realize that a bigger goal is to express my opinion to get it out in the “open” per say. I am tired of being silent all these years and never expressing how I truly feel. If that makes any sense.
The Stat page can be discouraging for sure. This is why I try to not go on it and think about it too much. I know harder done than said, but even if someone spent 55 seconds on your blog at least they took the time to come and look. I mean think of it this way, something must have caught their attention and made them want to spend that 55 seconds on your site and thats awesome!
This is so true. I too am sick of staying silent. Thanks so much for your encouraging comment. This is something I need to work on.